Sunday, March 30, 2008 2:16 PM
it was only today then i realise that i wanted my chalet so so so much. the much-awaited chalet. it was booked, buffet was booked, cake was ordered, invitation were sent out... i so wanted a birthday party for myself, of course since it's my 21st. so disappointed that everything was cancelled. but i'm still glad that i'll be spending my big day with my lovely boyfriend.
something bad had to happened. it's been a week, but i still feel weird that something was taken away from me. not having a celebration in the same month of her demise is the last respect i give to ah ma.
Friday, March 21, 2008 2:13 AM
ah ma left us on 17 Mar 08, 10.21pm.
i called my mum and found out that ah ma was in a critical situation and that she would leave us anytime. i left office and took train to cgh. tt train ride seemed longer than usual, i felt so uneasy. i reached e hospital, seeing most of my uncles there, things did not look gd. before i even i stepped into e ward, i burst into tears. i don't dare to step inside to look at ah ma, my aunt came to me 'this might be e last time u see her, if u dont go in now, u might not see her forever.' i dried my face and went to ah ma's bedside, held her dry, bony hand and called 'ah ma, ah ting lai liao.'
we all knew that day would be her last day, everyone was prepared. but still, everyone was so filled with emotions. the long wait ended when e f**king young night shift doc came to up to us after 'testing' my ah ma's heartbeat with another machine. it was then abt 10.45pm. he pronounced her time of death as 10.21pm. totally illogical. wtf, i almost wanted to curse and swear when he said 'i dont work in this ward', i will remember this freaking irresponsible statement he made. but e fact that ah ma just left made me very quiet that night. i sat beside ah ma, watching the nurses clean and change her into her own clothes, i dont know how to react.
honestly, i never consider myself to be very very close with ah ma. we're a rather traditional and big Chinese family, we dont hug hug ah ma and ah gong other than when we're still kids. but e loss of ah ma made me realise that losing a loved one is so painful.
the next cny gathering at ah ma's house will be so different without her.
`a quarrel during this difficult time hurts me so much. i know it's all abt my temper. i dont know what to do. i'm tired of these quarrels. feel no understanding between us. what went wrong? :'(
my 21st bday chalet is cancelled. no mood for it.
Friday, March 14, 2008 5:19 PM
mixed feelings*dilemma*jealousy*insecurity*LOST`speechless. don'taskmewhat'swrongplease. emo.`my butt hurts. cause clumsy me slipped on the stairs outside office today & landed right on my butt. %!`@^#!$`!#^@-* :x `can't wait for 30th to come. i'm waiting for pressies, is it very mean of me to say that? but i'm only being truthful. the devil in me taught me that.`NO! the angel in me reminded me how much i wanted to have a gathering with all my long-lost besties too. i seriously miss u girls badly. i miss updates and gossips.`i'm going bonkers. ignore me.`boyfriendlovesme.iconstantlyremindmyself.whodoesn'thaveapast.ineedtogetoverhistotally.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008 9:22 AM
Some reflections for myself...
i think i need to make more effort to spend more time when FRIENDS. Cause i really feel lonely when baby isn't with me and i have no friends to go out with :(
*GIRLS,ineedyouall!*
i cannot be so dependent on Liang.
i really need to touch up on my resume and SERIOUSLY start looking for a stable job. Cause i really wanna start our savings tgt, and accomplish things we want.
*Iwantourfuturetobestable&blissful.Iknowyouwantittoo,baby:)*
i have to control my bad missy temper, sometimes it really gets on his nerves i know.
*butsometimesireallycanthelpit.i'msorry.*
i get really jealous easily.
*littleconfessiontobaby*
*iwenttoTHATboxinyourcupboard,sawallthemoviestubs&readthecardsfromyourEX.
igotreally,reallyupset.thatwaswhyiaskedyouaboutit.*
*amitoosensitive?orareyounotsensitiveenough?*
I lOve you alot, silly monkey.
*pleasepromiseyou'lllovemebackwithallyourmight*
Monday, March 3, 2008 8:12 PM
hEe.. Still a mth to go, before THE day arrives. After much consideration & thoughts, still decided on having chalet. The most traditional & so nt special. Haha. But then, enough for a little celebration, that's good enough. So looking forward to his surprise(s). Of course i secretly hope tt he'll spring many many surpriseS. Hehe. *greedy* But his kind sponsorship of the chalet & Bday cake lessen my expectation of an expensive pressie. I think a diamond necklace would be just fine :)AND! Though my bro probably wont see this, but i think sibling's telepathy will let him read this. My 'see&considerverylongleyetreallycannotbeartobuy' branded slippers. Haha. U know my shoe size, u know what colour & design i want. Just take out the $$. It'll be much appreciated. *evil gRin*SO LOOKING FORWARD... :D
