TheLittleRainbow;

Friday, March 21, 2008 2:13 AM

ah ma left us on 17 Mar 08, 10.21pm.

i called my mum and found out that ah ma was in a critical situation and that she would leave us anytime. i left office and took train to cgh. tt train ride seemed longer than usual, i felt so uneasy. i reached e hospital, seeing most of my uncles there, things did not look gd. before i even i stepped into e ward, i burst into tears. i don't dare to step inside to look at ah ma, my aunt came to me 'this might be e last time u see her, if u dont go in now, u might not see her forever.' i dried my face and went to ah ma's bedside, held her dry, bony hand and called 'ah ma, ah ting lai liao.'

we all knew that day would be her last day, everyone was prepared. but still, everyone was so filled with emotions. the long wait ended when e f**king young night shift doc came to up to us after 'testing' my ah ma's heartbeat with another machine. it was then abt 10.45pm. he pronounced her time of death as 10.21pm. totally illogical. wtf, i almost wanted to curse and swear when he said 'i dont work in this ward', i will remember this freaking irresponsible statement he made. but e fact that ah ma just left made me very quiet that night. i sat beside ah ma, watching the nurses clean and change her into her own clothes, i dont know how to react.

honestly, i never consider myself to be very very close with ah ma. we're a rather traditional and big Chinese family, we dont hug hug ah ma and ah gong other than when we're still kids. but e loss of ah ma made me realise that losing a loved one is so painful.

the next cny gathering at ah ma's house will be so different without her.

`a quarrel during this difficult time hurts me so much. i know it's all abt my temper. i dont know what to do. i'm tired of these quarrels. feel no understanding between us. what went wrong? :'(

my 21st bday chalet is cancelled. no mood for it.